This is something that has played on my mind for a long time, and no doubt has played on the mind of many others. The idea of being mediocre, of just OK, is possibly the most terrifying thing to me and plays largely into the fear I had of not trying for a long time. I mean, if you’re terrible at something, you can try to get better, or just shrug it off and decide on a different path though. Being average though is a horrifying realisation; what if that mediocrity is the best you can do?
I don’t want to be an OK writer. I want to reach people. I don’t care about money or fame, but I do want people to read my work and go “holy shit, that made me cry” or “how DARE your writing hurt my heart like that”. I want to evoke emotions in people. Mediocre writing doesn’t do that. Mediocre writing doesn’t leave any sort of impression. People don’t care for it one way of the other; they shrug their shoulders, and move on with their lives when they’re done, your work a fleeting and distant memory. As much as I hate it, at least BAD writing gets noticed, too. You won’t believe how worked up at how sloppily written Fifty Shades is. It appeals to people that want something simplistic and (apparently?) arousing though. The idea of not even being able to achieve that haunts me constantly.
It’s OK to be just alright though. Truth is, if you want something bad enough and work hard enough, you are going to improve. Sometimes we need to lower our expectations for ourselves and cut ourselves some slack. We aren’t always going to hit a standard we set for ourselves. We definitely aren’t going to always meet the standards that others impose on us. Let yourself fail, or not do great. As long as you keep learning and trying, that is the thing that matters. It’ll lighten the burden on your heart, and make doing better in the future easier. I believe in every last one of you.